Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a damn anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal -- but not now that he uses a bike.
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. Yet they tell us to exercise? I don't think so!
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
- 1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
- 2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
- 3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
- 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
- 5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
- 6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
- 7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.
- 8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
- 9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
- 10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- 11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
- 12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
- 13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
- 14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
- 15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.
- 16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
- 17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
- 18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
- 19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
- 20. Have I sent this message to you before...or did I get it from you ?